December 21

All the written days one never wrote,

Never erased, nor cherished,

Must one read?

And weep too?!

Leia Mais…

Picking up threads...

so my girlfriend's gone out to dinner.. i have come after a back breaking as well as spirit breaking one and a half hour of badminton.. (still trying to find that elusive shot called backhand! :( )

dinner at the mess was bad and so am crashing at my girl's place and cooking maggi for myself..

since i was feeling a little lonely.. i thought i should give this well ignored blog a small breather.. come see it for once!

there are so many things funny about this semester.. it is so much like the first.. so many times i get this sense of a broad deja vu.. the fact that i am feeling a little distanced from my friends is one of those things that are repeating themselves.. (@ anushka, i hope you are reading this and sorry for not replying to that mail!) and that can't be good.. at least not when they call up and tell me that i am the classic case of "ladki mili to dost ko bhool gaya!" i guess much like my parents, even my friends don't just understand that i am incorrigible, i like being lonely and well to admit the truth a bad friend.. i just hope they won't tell me that too.

last night i was reading this book called the mathematician's mind.. quite good.. not really profound as i had expected something with that title to be.. but quite refreshing.. brought me closer once again to that serene feeling of knowing mathematics (stop raising those eyebrows.. i don't care if you guys think i am a nerd!!!). so even though you do so much mathematics in economics.. it is just not the same.. and may be other mathematicians doing economics will understand what i am saying.. as long as maths is not the end in itself.. it will never satisfy a mathematician.. not that i do not enjoy economics.. rather i do a lot.. it is a brilliant route to reconcile the mathematician's creativity with the real world.. i have wondered many a times.. of what i would want to do my phd in.. well anyway.. (@ aditya: dude, stop worrying that you have lost your sheen as a mathematician.. i am sure when you learn about the twentieth century mathematicians you will learn that Cambridge PhDs are not the only ones that count.. i am sure you are gonna do more than you think you are capable of! Cheers!)

also, deepali has been writing amazing poetry in the last few days! i think i understand where all of that is coming from! i am envious of you girl! really envious. i wanted to tell you that i feel really happy for the way things you have turned things around after the last one year and also that i apologize for being so useless.. well i know i have been.. but i think.. or at least i would like to think that i was absent from the scene for a purpose hoping that it will help you.. wish that you will understand.. but an unconditional apology holds.

anyway..

been missing anu really.. i hope he will stumble upon this page somehow and read this.. i don't know what is wrong with me.. why i am like this.. when i am like this. i miss so many people.. but i will never call them up and tell them that.. (and that goes for anuj and vicky too!) may be some one who reads this can help explain my behavior to me in this regard! may be it is the same with this blog too.. so many times i thought of writing up something but did not.. may be i am just one of those people who are bad at following things through.. :D now am i?

anyway.. well there is so much on my mind.. also that the maggi is ready and it will get cold if i don't wrap this one up soon.. i mean in the last one year.. i have become so competitive.. obviously in the only way that i have always been.. i.e. pitting myself against me.. it is almost like i am in this ravenous phase of self mutilation and reconstruction.. (almost like i physically prove the Banach-Tarski paradox) (Bah! SHOW OFF! :D )
I guess somewhere that it is guilt.. i think i want to make up for the two lost years.. i am sure adi knows what i mean.. i am sure he wants the same!

anyway.. there is so much to write.. and the maggi is getting cold.

so Cheers!
So long!!

Leia Mais…

Coming Away!

Been a long time, since
I walked alone.

Leia Mais…

A failed attempt..

Was in mood to write poetry.. but after like half an hour or so (enough time to lose the inspiration that started it in the first place).. gave up with this half baked piece.. even though I am not going to publish it on PoemHunter.. I thought why not put it on the blog! so here it goes.


----------

Come Love,

Let’s take a walk

To my home.

Let me in my city,

Show you the

Nightly whores

I visit

Often

When I miss you.

Show you the

Shroud-less demons

I feast with

While they devour

Juicy shards

Of my soul.

The temple

Where gilded

Are the skulls

Of God

And Myself.

Dead deities.

You ask my love,

Trembling

Why must I dwell here -

This unseemly planet?

But you know the answer well.

As well as I.

It is harbored in the little ports

The cracks of your skin

Straining to ooze out.

In the color of your palate

When you laugh

Like soot of burnt age.

Freedom -

Morbid,

Immoral,

Void.

Unlimited

And passionless.

Leia Mais…

On the road..

Note: This is my first attempt at 55 fiction. The idea seems interesting. I have taken a slight liberty with the format and eliminated the suspense bit to the story since I was not in the mood to write suspense. The language is explicit and therefore reader discretion is advised. I invite all to comment on what they think sex was used for in this story and if it had the intended effect at all. Thanks for reading this.

----------

She wanted to run away. Riding him.

He could not. The past was stuck to his shoes like caked grime.

There was no holding hands.

He would put them in his pockets and masturbate.

She wanted him to masturbate her instead.

Open windows, locked gates, left them behind.

They stood.

Often fucked.. never reaching. Anywhere!

Leia Mais…